"Today You are Buying Your Children"



That is what my attorney had turned to say to me, at the start of mediation. 

But I wasn't. I was only buying half of them. 50% of my time with them would be gone. And it was going to cost me tremendously.

Then there was freedom. I had originally said I was buying my freedom. But I wasn't, not truly. The town and state where I would have to live would be dictated by him. I would have to still have communication, I could not disappear to him as I would like. I would have to share custody, and there was no way around that. There was no freedom in the broad sense. Just a wild horse choosing to go back into a fenced pasture so that she could have her foals.

"Today you are buying your children," he said, meaning I would have to walk away from so much financially, so much materially. 

I laid it all on the table. Even if it meant only half of them, I would purchase them with everything that I had. 

<3

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Today I Honor a Memory

Image
Today I honor a memory.   6 years ago yesterday (June 26, 2016) my first marriage ended. I was emotionally broken and stung. I left home to do a scheduled meeting for my team. We had a full group there that day of about 20, and we had a lot to cover. In this picture I’m going through my notes, getting ready to start and unaware that the picture was being taken. I was ready to lead, but my heart was destroyed. And no one knew. But still, I did what I had to do in that moment.  So many of us go through horribly hard things, yet we pick ourselves up and keep going. We do what we have to do. And then there are the other times - the times we just can’t. And that’s totally okay, too. If we will look, seeing what we have gone through makes us stand in awe of ourselves, and of our own strength.  There is also a strength we cannot own. It’s a supernatural strength and a peace that passes understanding. It’s the feeling of being carried. And that’s what I felt. Fear, tremendous sor...
Read more

Look at Me the Same!

Image
This is a hard one to write. Partly because I still hold tremendous compassion and empathy for a man I loved, and also, some guilt that should not belong to me. Just the title of this blog post grips my heart with tremendous sorrow recalling that moment in time. Commitment was a serious matter to me. When I make a commitment, it is a serious matter because it is my very word. A promise made. When the relationship began I made a choice. I looked at my life as a missionary and all I had planned with that, and the relationship with this man. The road of the missionary, in my mind, was a hard one - uphill with dirt and rock, and few living plants. Conversely, the road of loving a man was by a stream, surrounded by thick green foliage, winding through a forest on level ground. I chose the latter and chose it with all my heart. I saw a man I could love. In the beginning, it was just that - love. But I also saw where I could help. I could make his life better! I could make his life easier. I ...
Read more

Vintage China

Image
For some reason I began to be drawn to old china. I didn't know why, I just was. I already owned a beautiful set that I loved that I had picked out in my former life, and it only found its way out of the cabinets once or twice a year for holidays. Yet here I was admiring vintage china and their delicate patterns. I found myself falling in love with a pattern from Noritake, "Savannah". I researched and finally found a seller nearby who was selling the complete set plus a few extra pieces. I jumped on it. And it came to me that my hope was that this would be a set we used regularly.  When I met with the seller, she told me that it was approximately 50 years old (from the 70s), and that to her knowledge, it had never been used. Wow. In a way that broke my heart, but also made me happy. We would use it, on a plain day, with a regular meal. And we did. I washed them all and we had our very ordinary (yet extraordinary) dinner the very next night on this vintage set that had nev...
Read more