Bird Uncaged

I will never forget that moment. It is forever etched into my mind - frozen in time. Four little eyes wide-eyed staring. In an instant I knew. I could not model this for them. I could not let them think this was okay. I had been in the driver's seat that day, and it was fitting. For while I still held on afterward for any strand of hope to let me know that this would not indeed be the end of a family, I knew it (again) in that moment in the SUV. The storm had erupted and I sat silently as it bounced through the walls of the vehicle. I glanced up. Their eyes. Those beautiful, wide child eyes. No. The decision had to be made and in that moment I had strength. I could not let them grow up thinking this was okay. I had done years of this and I had managed to get back up, to wipe the emotional blood off my palms and tears from my face. Yet I was always a little weaker each time. My cup was always a little less full, but I always got back up. Eventually that cup was empty, and I didn...

"You shouldn't use that word, 'fight'. It just brings negativity into your life. Go in with peace and warmth. The outcome will be better!" she said, from her comfortable couch in her warm home surrounded by her children. Fight. I tossed the word around. Should you fight? Her words didn't sit well with me. Not in the least. When a person has their children ripped away from them, when a person is full of fear that something isn't right, when a person knows the truth but says nothing - that is not the time to approach with warmth. It's the time to fight. I had tried the warmth. For 11 years I had tried the warmth.  There was a problem? Okay I will work to change so that never happens again, but you don't have to because as you said, clearly this was my fault.  They felt uncomfortable? Okay I will make the adjustments so you can feel more comfortable.  They did something that hurt me, but want to shift the focus onto something I did a few years ago ...